Sunshine, Sea Breeze, and Statistics

So, you didn't think I could manage being whiny while sitting in a posh hotel in a tropical paradise, now did you?  Huh?  Don't underestimate me, people, because here I sit, on Sunday night, and I need to pack because I'm leaving tomorrow morning.  I feel like I have barely left the hotel room, except to go to the conference.  AND MY REPORT IS NOT DONE!  Granted, I have 30 pages of text and tables that I didn't have when I got here, but people, I still have to write narrative for the entire primary research section.  And I'm just finished for today, there's no way I can stay focused, I've been trying and I'm just making mistakes and wasting time.

So the hotel room is quite small but has a beautiful view of Biscayne Bay. Given the fact that I couldn't have actually been out there, due to workload (also, it's the coldest snap of the year, in the 60s F, I tell you--these people crack me up, but in their defense, it isn't beach weather), I suppose this is a very good thing--I've been able to gaze out at the sailboats and have the bright sunshine on my face.  Nothing about northern winters is harder for me than the lack of light.

I did take myself out for brunch and dinner today, though I worked ten hours yesterday.  Today I just had to knock off at 3, and I decided I simply had to have yellow tail snapper.  So I took the rental car and headed down to my favorite south Florida fish shack, which is over an hour away in Key Largo.  I felt like I needed to see a bit of this place, so the drive was nice.  I did a brief detour into Pennekamp State Park, and dipped my hand into the water, but they were about to close so I didn't stay long.  The whole thing took about four hours start to finish, sigh.  And back to the salt mines with me.

Anyway, I'm still incredibly grateful to have soaked up some sun, even if it had to mingle with the hazy light of SPSS and MS Word from my computer, but I'm disappointed that I didn't get to do any beachcombing.  I did a little scouting for our next family vacation, though...and this place will be a hellafun with a couple of wacky kids and a girl on my arm.

This trip has given me a little time to think, and all the networking (read: trying to explain the bizarre career circumstances I seem to be in) has forced me to think about where I am and what I'm doing.  It's helped me see a few things more clearly--or to acknowledge things that have been clear for a while.  This is a perfectly decent career, and I need to fish or cut bait.  I'm not an academic, at least that's not my training and background, so I don't always feel like I'm in quite the right place, and I don't always feel like my skills match with the job's requirements perfectly (did I mention that my report is NOT YET DONE?), but the fact is that everyone brings a different suite of skills to a job like this.  And if some very smart people think I'm the right person for what they need, well, maybe that's something I can trust.  What a concept, huh?

I don't know, it's making me think.  I have a long way to go with this whole work/life thing.  I don't mean balance, but trusting myself, feeling confident, and granting myself permission to make myself happy (and then being able to figure out what the hell that looks like).  I've made bold moves before, but it's scary.  I didn't know it would keep being like this.

Hey, that got heavy, deep, and real right quick, didn't it?  I'm going to pack my bags so I can get up early tomorrow and...do some more writing!  At least the lovely view is really much lovelier at sunrise.  I know, I've seen it three days in a row.

Comments

[Cassie]

I wouldn't call it whiney. I'd call it pensive. Which is probably what happens to everyone when it suddenly gets quiet (the lack of child noise can be deafening) and there are no distractions except work when you'd rather be out on the beach. At least your thoughts are insightful - mine tend towards the truly whiney.

In other words, no matter what you call it, its interesting.

[Chris]

Definitely not whiney. Talking it out thoughtful. Knowledge at the point of utterance re: work and how your work life can work. And your work ethic is admirable - I woulda been out that door and down that beach and...

Sunshine (even through a hotel window). Fresh seafood. Bliss.

[Katy]

So sorry you didn't get to hang out and drink tropical drinks....hope you got some knitting time on the plane home. (And sorry it's so gray here in MA today: yuck!)
I went snorkeling in Pennekamp many years ago and it was gorgeous; it would be great to go back on a family vacation!

[Steph]

Sounds like it's been a good trip for you regardless of the unfinished report.

Nice to realize that people think you're smart and good at what you do...run with that.

[Steph]

Sounds like it's been a good trip for you regardless of the unfinished report.

Nice to realize that people think you're smart and good at what you do...run with that.

[JoVE]

I have been exactly there (not miami, the place where you come to accept that if other people think you are good at something, yadda yadda). I think this means things are looking up for you.

Also, accept that you can only write and think productively for so many hours in a day (I think 6). Do those then do something to help recharge -- walk on the beach, play with kids, knit, spin, whatever.

And remember, you could have been shoveling snow (which has the advantage of saving money on gym memberships)

[Carole]

I think we all have self doubt about careers and job choices and decisions. I've been lucky in that I've known since I was a kid that I wanted to be a librarian - but that doesn't mean I don't question what I'm doing and where I'm doing it from time to time. Clearly, you have the talent to do what you're doing. The key is to recognize if it makes you happy and fulfilled. If it does, then you're in the right place. If it doesn't, then you look for happiness and fulfillment elsewhere. And that doesn't have to mean a job change - not everyone has a rewarding career - you can get rewards being a mom and a knitter and spinner, too.

[susoolu]

You went for sun and sand and little umbrellas in cocktail drinks (oh, and a conference), and look what happened. But definitely not a whine, deep thinking instead. Good luck with working it all out - happy is good thing to aim for (and without meaning to sound trite, it does make for happy children).

[Imbrium]

Ah, SPSS...I remember it well, from back in the college days. *shudder*

I think very few of us end up doing what we expected to do - I'm certainly not where I expected to be, job-wise or life-wise. But that's okay...here is pretty good, even if it's not what I was expecting.

[claudia]

I think of Miami in January as an alternate universe. In a good way.

[margene]

The sunrise over the ocean is so beautiful and it can get one to think about the choices that put us where we are in life. Figuring out you're going in the right direction rewarding.

[Sneaksleep]

"I didn't know it would keep being like this" is probably one of the most accurate sentences ever uttered by an adult. I'm back on the job market as of Friday, and today someone asked me to tell them what type of job I'll be looking for. I found it was no easier for me to answer that now than it was the day I got out of grad school. It's a kind of "I'll know it when I see it" feeling. Too bad you can't put that in the "Objectives" section of a resume. Anyway, I'm happy for you that you got some time and motivation to think about this stuff. Might not be easy, but it sounds like you need it.

[jessie]

I have been skimming your blog (which I admit I haven't checked out since the very cool solstice post) and see you are bogged down with work on your trip. I'm sorry to hear that. For me, the idea of having a couple of days alone in a hotel room ranks right up there with winning the lottery. (As in, neither one is likely to happen in my lifetime.)

I hope you are enjoying your time away, if not any time off!

[mamamarta]

hey cate, would love to talk to you about all this in person soon...

on the one hand, it is a great thing to feel like people have confidence in you, and that you're good at something.

on the other hand, just because you're good at something, and people have confidence in you, doesn't mean you've found your vocation. i was really good at the law, and people had (way too much) confidence in me, and for awhile that was a real rush. but it didn't feed my soul, so it didn't last.

xoxo

marta

[Juno888]

on the one hand, it is a great thing to feel like people have confidence in you, and that you're good at something.