Okay, the presentation is over. I only had to do about 10% of it--my boss did the rest, which may represent either her desire to present to her own division, or a lack of confidence in my abilities. At this point, I don't really care. I don't know whether I'm an extroverted introvert or an introverted extrovert, but either way, I get stressed out when I have to present to 100+ people. And it's over. Now that's a birthday present. I still have a big backlog of work to do, but right now I'm taking a deep breath and being happy.
Rhys (with J's help) grilled a nice swordfish dinner and I didn't lift a finger. J and Henry went and got me a cake from Stop & Shop, my very favorite. To quote Henry's description of it, "with balloons! and your name on it! and everything!" After dinner Rhys put the kids to bed and I built a fire and listened to music and knitted on a sock and just chilled out in our gorgeous new living room. Despite still being nervous about this morning, I got to step back and think about how lucky I am. Thankful doesn't even begin to describe it.
Sorry this blog has been whiny lately. The "ending" of the construction project threw me for a loop a bit, and I wasn't expecting that. We do still have a lot to do, and I feel strangely pressured. Maybe it's just me, but it's challenging for me to see myself as doing things "for real." Of course my family is always for real, but for a long time, I've just been *doing* my job, not letting it be a part of who I am. I've had a similar feeling about my house--it's just the place we're living now, it's not the place we created. Now, we have the place we created. There's no more "when we do the construction..." This is it (well, except for the banishing of the bad wallpaper. And the kitchen. Did I mention the kitchen?). And despite the fact that I never imagined having a job as dorky as this, I apparently am an institutional researcher, for better or worse. Weird.
It's not really about the birthday, but I suppose 37 really is a big deal for me. This isn't a dress rehersal. This is my life. It's for real. Part of me can't believe how lucky I am. Part of me can't believe that my body is going to look like this forever (or worse! news flash: aging sucks). We're the lesbian moms with the careers and the house and fifteen years together. If we'd just get over ourselves and make it official, we'd be the poster children for Massachusetts marriage. Maybe instead we're poster children for AtMP.
So another year, a time of thanksgiving, and a new chapter in so many ways. Life is not without its difficulties, but all in all, it's sweet sweet sweet. And spinning by the fire makes it all the sweeter. Happy holidays.