Where I've Been

You know how sometimes, if you wait long enough to get around to a thing, that thing starts to take on greater weight than it ought to do and it starts being harder to actually do it and then it has been even longer and you still haven't done it and what the heck is wrong with you anyway and what exactly do you want to do with this blog thing that you've been doing for almost four years but not exactly since you've barely been doing it all this past year?

Like that.  Which is to say, sorry.  And whoops.  Also, Hi!  How have you been?  Missed ya.

A throng of knitters came to my town this weekend but I missed them because I was throwing money at a mouse.   It was a fun trip.  Not as fun as last year, which was like mouse heaven, but fun.  Now we're back.  And so this blog post seems to be following my "I only manage to blog when I've been off of work for a week" pattern.

But really, here's the deal.  Remember all my talk about IEPs and school problems and stuff?  About how my son has emerging disabilities that haven't yet been well-defined but that make his life extremely difficult both at school and at home?  Well, that's my new hobby.  I didn't choose it.  It is NOT relaxing.  It gives me very little enjoyment, except on the rare occasion that I figure out some way to get the school system to do what they should have done in the first place or I manage to take five pieces from six different doctors and put them together and help find a way to help my kid a bit in a way we hadn't thought of before.  But mostly it's a lot of hard slogging, banging of heads against brick walls, begging and pleading for what are literally my son's legal, moral, and ethical rights, and then having to fight to make sure they actually carry out what they promised because the hard-won agreements are meaningless when they don't actually implement them.

Bitter, moi?  And did I mention the school system is nearly bankrupt and are talking layoffs (including my son's direct staff, or so I gather via him overhearing something).  Yah.  Thanks for that "stimulus package."  That $600 is way better than providing our kids with an education that will give them any hope of paying off the staggering debt you've run up, there W.  Right, yes, bitter.

Anyway, if I haven't been clear before, that's why I'm not blogging much.  The things I have to talk about are too private to put here and make the above sound like a tra-la-la happy romp, and my reluctance to blog it all is probably only exceeded by any sane person's reluctance to read it.

I miss you guys.  I'm hoping to escape for a festival (NH perhaps?) and there's still a chance the house will clear out for a party for Cummington (not to cry in my tea but hopefully it won't be me all by myself with a pony keg, not that you people have ever been much help drinking beer).  Unfortunately, due to the above, it can't happen unless the fam clears out: even having dinner guests is a significant stressor these days.

So that's the news from here.  Mouse: good but expensive.  Job: intense but now better-staffed with an awesome new coworker.  Church: continuing complexity, with a small dash of hope.  Family: well-loved and deeply challenging.  School: don't get me started.  Wool: right, wool--an almost done and completely unphotographed charm shrug is in progress.  I do tell Ravelry things but not necessarily with pictures.

So Wendy, I got nothin.  This my system: I don't do it all and much of it poorly.  Blogging, knitting, and spinning I'm doing less of at the moment.  Perfect is boring.  Life is messy.  I'll see you next time I come up for air.  Or at NHS&W.  XO.

Comments

[--Deb]

Sorry to hear that things are so challenging, Cate. It's good to hear from you, though, and to know that you're managing (more or less). Try not to be too bitter, though--that sort of thing can spiral way too quickly and really compromise your ability to deal. (And, um, yeah, we've been having big-time financial woes lately.) Hang in there!

[Mel]

I was just thinking about you the other day and how long it's been. Good to see you come up for air, if briefly. I'll be working the weekend of NHSW, but it appears that Cummington is actually a possibility. I'll just have to see if I can talk David into a day trip so close to the wedding.

[Laurie]

The golden mean isn't so golden. Those who don't fit the mean, well, yeah. It would be excellent to see you at NH. And yeah, I'm pretty worthless with beer.

[melissaknits]

That which does not kill you makes you stronger. (No, seriously. I am a grandmother twice over before the age of 41?!? Trust me.)

Heck of a bash Sunday, but if I had to choose between Mouse and Shoulder to Shoulder Throngs of Knitters in a Small Confined Space, I'd take the Mouse. As it was I was teaching in the classroom directly behind the insanity that was Webs so I missed the bulk of the excitement (and I am ok with that). I did get to the Calvin in time. Awesome.

NH!! YEA!!! I cannot wait, a Mother's Day tradition and all that.

[Carole]

I've done my best with the beer when I've been there. So has Dale. Ahem.
NH would be awesome. I miss you madly.

[Katy]

Oh Cate. I was just wondering about you the other day--so I'm glad you posted, even if it's just to let us know that things are challenging! So sorry about the slogging and the headbanging. I hope that things will get sorted out eventually. If I was a little closer to Cummington I would offer my house for a gathering...maybe we could arrange a restaurant meet-up if things don't work at your house?
Keeping you in my thoughts.

[Kat with a K]

Nice to see you check in, and good luck with the school stuff. See you in NH!

[Chris]

Went through that nightmare with each of my kids, each for different reasons. The crap served in the name of compliance! Well. You have my sympathy and utmost respect for sticking to your guns. It ain't easy. But oh how the kids need it. I learned to make "them" fear me. Not the kids. Those who think putting one person equally in charge of budget and services will fairly balance either. One of my best successes: forcing them to hire a resource teacher qualified to teach what my son needed (oops, terminology: what was appropriate for my son) - because not only my own kid got the services appropriate for him but so did all the other kids in the district who had been neglected and shoved aside. I earned the right to proudly wear a Mighty Oak shirt: Today's mighty oak is yesterday's nut that held it's ground. I wish it were easier for you and your son. BTW, the fight was worth it. My kids always knew they had someone on their side and that made a huge difference in how they turned out.

[PumpkinMama]

I wish you patience and perseverance. I'll keep my eye out for you in NH.

[Justine]

yup - that's all I gots to say about that - I think you know how I feel about kids and their needs. Glad to hear that you are surviving though.

[Kathy]

I am thinking of you and know that it's all terribly difficult. You know where to get me if you need a ear to bend or a shoulder to cry on. xoxox

[Thorny]

Oh Cate, I hope things start to turn around soon for you all. A close friend of mine has been just starting along that road, and she hasn't blogged in ages either. It's just the way things go sometimes.

All the best to all of you, and I hope your short people had a fabulous time while you threw money at the Mouse. :D

[Ruth]

Hang in there. We just this week got an official diagnosis for my daughter which means we now have a leg to stand on to start fighting for resources and interventions she should have had, oh.... three years ago. (We have known for a year and a half what her diagnosis was, which helped considerably, but the government won't release funds for intervention until their own tiny cadre of approved diagnosticians jump through a specific set of hoops.) Thankfully our present school has been on our side in this battle - the first one, not so much. It really does become something of a career in and of itself. But worth it. You really do need to look after your own needs as well, though. Anyway, feel free to vent my way if you feel the need!

[Bookish Wendy]

Ah Shit Cate. 'Member how last time we talked about this (ohhh, what like almost two years ago in WEBS) how I cried? Yah, me crying over here again. You've got one hellavah fight ahead of you. As the sister of a brother and the daughter of a mother who fought the same battle - I feel for you guys. It will work out but not without draining your energy 9 times out of 10. Try to take bunches of little steps back to take in the better parts...that's what I'm trying to do every day.

[Beth S.]

I'm sorry to hear that life is so complicated for you and yours these days. But I'm glad to have an update, even an "I can't really update" update. Hang tough and know we are thinking of you, ok?

[Risa]

Cate, I'm so sorry. I wish you strength and perseverence to get through this.

[amysue]

Oh Cate, so sorry and well, yeah..there with you. I can't begin to express how frustrating and time consuming and heart breaking it can all be some days, except you know what?, I have this amazing 9 year old little man that I love so much, exactly as who he is, even though who he is on any given day could send me to drink (which with the whole insulin dependence thing would be wrong).

And you'd think having actually worked on the other side, writing IEPs and ISPs and all that good stuff for the very system I'm now at odds with would help, but only so far and then I'm in the trenches with all the other folks.

On the really bad days I remind myself that Noah is who he is and who he is makes him one lovable, bright, funny and wonderful kid and I wouldn't trade all the easygoing in the world if it gave me someone else.

[Dr. Steph]

Wow. Hugs to you and all the best to your family gang.

Hang in there.

[Manise]

Oh sweetie, I'm sorry about all this struggle and head banging. I've been thinking of you and realized you were probably paying homage to the ole Mouse. I have and am doing the fight you mention- angst, tears, rage,fear, dashed hopes etc.... You are right. You need to be a persistent nudge, beyatch and PIA extraordinaire continuously for the IEP's successful implementation. It makes for a certain degree of crazy making with time, but you are doing the right thing and know your child best. And remember, if the school can't ultimately provide what your child needs educationally/emotionally, the district is obligated to place him in a program that can at the towns expense. Get an educational advocate who can do a lot of the dirty work for you- it's amazing how compliant a school gets when they know one is in your court. Until then, try and get an IEP amendment (yes a written request for yet another meeting) and get an inclusion aide for him to tide you over. You know how to reach me anytime day or night. K? Sending you big hugs!

[Lee Ann]

Um, I'd read it. But that's because I happen to have the very same headbanging hobby, complete with schools that promise and don't deliver and rights and legalities and tutors and a demoralized kid with a completely pissed off mum. I feel for you, darling girl.

Much love to you. My inbox is waaaaaaay open for ranting, sweetpea.

[Kristen (former med student who knits)]

I can't come up with encouraging words that aren't doubly too "hallmarky" so please know that I am sending good thoughts your way and hope all is on the up and up soon.

(and I am beyond peaved that I can't get to NH and Cummington this year - I feel like I'm fading into work and as though they have a personal stake in me missing out on meeting up with my fiber people.)

[Kristen]

I can't come up with encouraging words that aren't doubly too "hallmarky" so please know that I am sending good thoughts your way and hope all is on the up and up soon.

(and I am beyond peaved that I can't get to NH and Cummington this year - I feel like I'm fading into work and as though they have a personal stake in me missing out on meeting up with my fiber people.)

[moiraeknittoo]

It is good to hear from you! Good vibes going your way.

[Helen]

XO Hang in.

[Lynn]

Well, I've been wondering where you were, missy, and I don't even know you in real life, despite living on the eastern edge of the P[l]easant Valley in question.

I think everyone's life is sucky right now. Not much comfort for you, I realize, but I think it's a global thang hanging over our heads. A plateau of ohshittheworldreallyisfallingapartwhathappensnext sort of thang. I'm hoping it's the kind of plateau from which one emerges stronger and better, but I don't know yet. In the meantime, I knit. And spin, weave, garden, chase dragonflies, and whine. Perhaps I'll see you at Cummington, whoever you are. Maybe even in NH.