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Good Intentions

Today, as you probably know, is the darkest day of the year.  I've mentioned before that my family has had a tradition of lighting candles on this day, and in the lighting, bringing our intentions to light the dark in our lives, and saying aloud our hopes for light and air and warmth as the sun returns.

We've turned the wheel again, or perhaps it has turned us, and merry Solstice to you.

When we started this tradition, life was good.  We were planning a family, and our hopes for the new year were very specific and tangible.  A baby, please.  As that process became more complicated, and hoping got more difficult, I lit candles for keeping our dreams alive, for learning acceptance, and yes, for the small hope that someday we might have our wish come true.

It did, of course, and six years later the kids can light their own candles and dream their own dreams for the coming light.  I love to watch them imagine themselves into the future, even if the wish is more Santa than Solstice.

My intention, though, feels like my own turn of the wheel: not moving forward so much as coming around again.  My intention this year is to have intention.  Somehow in the crush of life and kids and jobs and stuff, life has gotten to be less what I make it, and more what it makes me.  While I have no illusions of control or linearity, perhaps I might be happier, a better friend and mother, and live a more meaningful life, if I moved through it with a bit more purpose, instead of letting myself be buffeted by the winds of the many things and people and forces that act upon my life.

I'm struck by how cyclical this all is, how life is never attained, but rather maintained, and how doing it well never gets easy.  In my twenties I thought I'd figure stuff out.  I went to therapy, I read and thought and imagined who I wanted to be and then went to try to be that person.  And I got sort of close, and it felt pretty good.  The amazing thing is that it's not about doing it once, it's about doing it over and over and over again.  And then not stopping for a moment because if you do, you'll lose all the presence and awareness and wholeness you were going for, and you'll start all over again.  I suppose the Buddhists really do have it right: you can't get attached, because then you're not really doing it, you're just holding on to the idea of doing it.  It's not about the idea of awareness.  It's about awareness.  And it's the work of every moment.

Man, that's not easy.

But I suppose that if anyone ever said anything about life, it's not that it's easy, huh?

So my intention to light this day's dark is this: to carefully kindle the small flame of my intention--of the person I want to be--as I walk through the windy world.  I will step carefully, and my hands will grasp less and shield the flame more.

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May your own darkness be lit by the returning sun.  I'll hold your intentions, spoken below in the comments or held close in your hearts, for the coming year.

Bright blessings all...

Yule Hearth

I had big plans for this Solstice. The house is done (mostly), the second job is finished (mostly), and life has settled down to a dull roar (sort of). I dreamed of getting back to the wonderful solstice parties we used to have, where friends gathered together to light candles and say blessings and to tumble our intentions out into the dark in hopes that we could follow them through the winter and arrive somewhere sunny and bright with dreams flung wide.

My house is almost too perfect for entertaining now (who is this grownup family that lives here?), but tonight it’s just me and Rhys and a blanket and our own little Yule log. In the crush of birthdays and Christmas trees and end-of-semester madness and holiday knitting, this dark night is going to be a quiet and relatively uncomplicated one.

I love the gathering and the bringing together of light and of dreams, but right now, a quiet evening warming our home is the very light I think I need. I’m realizing that the creeping night of winter has had its own intention in my life, reminding me to invest my heart in my home and family, to feed the fires. This growing night’s cold and darkness has kept me tending the fire, keeping a warm glow around our very center, and before looking toward the earth’s coming light, I’m going to coax bright flames from this little hearth and warm my hands and feet before it, and forget the chill outside.

Whatever hearth warms your life this solstice eve, may its flame burn brightly and may it keep you through the long dark night.

Blessed be!

This is not my (big) house

Okay, the presentation is over.  I only had to do about 10% of it--my boss did the rest, which may represent either her desire to present to her own division, or a lack of confidence in my abilities.  At this point, I don't really care.  I don't know whether I'm an extroverted introvert or an introverted extrovert, but either way, I get stressed out when I have to present to 100+ people.  And it's over.  Now that's a birthday present.  I still have a big backlog of work to do, but right now I'm taking a deep breath and being happy.

Rhys (with J's help) grilled a nice swordfish dinner and I didn't lift a finger.  J and Henry went and got me a cake from Stop & Shop, my very favorite.  To quote Henry's description of it, "with balloons!  and your name on it!  and everything!"  After dinner Rhys put the kids to bed and I built a fire and listened to music and knitted on a sock and just chilled out in our gorgeous new living room.  Despite still being nervous about this morning, I got to step back and think about how lucky I am.  Thankful doesn't even begin to describe it.

Sorry this blog has been whiny lately.  The "ending" of the construction project threw me for a loop a bit, and I wasn't expecting that.  We do still have a lot to do, and I feel strangely pressured.  Maybe it's just me, but it's challenging for me to see myself as doing things "for real."  Of course my family is always for real, but for a long time, I've just been *doing* my job, not letting it be a part of who I am.  I've had a similar feeling about my house--it's just the place we're living now, it's not the place we created.  Now, we have the place we created.  There's no more "when we do the construction..."  This is it (well, except for the banishing of the bad wallpaper.  And the kitchen.  Did I mention the kitchen?).  And despite the fact that I never imagined having a job as dorky as this, I apparently am an institutional researcher, for better or worse.  Weird.

It's not really about the birthday, but I suppose 37 really is a big deal for me.  This isn't a dress rehersal.  This is my life.  It's for real.  Part of me can't believe how lucky I am.  Part of me can't believe that my body is going to look like this forever (or worse!  news flash: aging sucks).  We're the lesbian moms with the careers and the house and fifteen years together.  If we'd just get over ourselves and make it official, we'd be the poster children for Massachusetts marriage.  Maybe instead we're poster children for AtMP.

So another year, a time of thanksgiving, and a new chapter in so many ways.  Life is not without its difficulties, but all in all, it's sweet sweet sweet.  And spinning by the fire makes it all the sweeter.  Happy holidays.

Weekend Idyll

I don't have any pictures, but I hope someone else will post some (or send some to me).  My camera is in Wyoming with my family.

This has been a lovely weekend.  A fiber festival.  A keg party (no, really) attended by a delightful collection of knitters and spinners and bloggers and friends (coined, by blogless Marcy, as a blegger, thank you Marcy).  My house was full to the brim with friends and fiber and good conversation and good beer and good times.  There were wheels and wheels and a pile of fleeces by the side of the door.

I'm recovering now, though no recovery is really necessary, because for me, at least, the weekend was an utter joy.  I feel bad about my house sometimes, but you know, it's at its best when filled to the rafters with wool and good people, and it makes me glad for all that I have.  And truth be told, the weekend was a recovery of sorts itself.  I miss my family, but these few days of unscheduled relaxation, this is the restoration I've been needing.  I'll be a little bit more put-back-together when I see them next.  And that can only be good for everyone.

This was my second spin-a-versary, as we've apparently been taking to calling it.  Sheila Bosworth taught me to spindle at Cummington two years ago, after a few unsuccessful tries on a wheel the previous winter.  Blogging started shortly thereafter, a by-product of my trolling of the net to learn about spinning and deepen my fiber knowledge.  I confess to being a pinch obsessed with all this; I'm like that sometimes, but I've also been recovering from infant twin mommyhood, from infertility, from a couple of complicated journeys my life has taken me on, and which have brought me to this rather bright and sunny and wonderful place and asked me where I want to go next.  There's a very conventional life out there that I could choose, and I'm certainly conventional enough in many ways.  But the wool and the fibery life is an answer, for me, for the moment, to the question "what else?" 

Moms of infants can lose themselves, and honestly, I encourage surrender to the musty, wonderful world of soft downy baby hair and milk and diapers and life in two-minute increments.  I think moms of multiples lose themselves even further than most, and while I don't regret a minute of it, I am nothing like the person I was before.  Today I'm starting from here, from this place of who I am now and all the history that's behind and all the disparate parts of my self (my self?...My selves).  The wool and the blogging and my participation in this community has been part of the process of reconstitution of the selves of my life, and there have been moments when I've despaired of ever feeling whole again, ever feeling like me, or even knowing what that meant.  I've been playing catch-up, sneaking in moments of self-development like I sneak a few stitches on a sock while waiting in line at the pharmacy.  Busy-busy.

But this weekend was expansive, and it brought together people whose values make sense to me, who invest themselves in something as common and ancient as getting wool from shepherds and making it twisty and putting it into loops and then wearing it.  People with passion that might be a little crazy, but who aren't afraid to admit to that and remember that life isn't all about what car you drive or what your house looks like.  People who measure the world in a way that makes sense to me, and if that just shows that they're not any more normal than I am, and well, I suspect none of us thinks normal is a compliment, and that right there shows me I'm in good company.

There's sadness this weekend, too.  Too many people I know are wrestling with their own private heartbreaks, and there were moments when I breathed loss in the air at the festival.  This Cummington marked too many remembered tragedies and too many fresh ones.  It is, after all, a weekend of memorial here.  Communities are complicated places with webs of relationships that flex and stretch in ways that aren't always comfortable.  But this weekend drove home, even more than ever, why I want to do the work to be a part of it, and why I hold the joy and the sadness of those in my life, together.

So here I am, in my happy, wooly house, feeling the remembered buzz of the humming wheels and the laughter and the friendship.  I'm doing laundry and putting the dangerous and fragile tools away in preparation for the children's return.  But I'm holding on to the shimmering vibrations left in this room and the joy of it, and I'm remembering that there is a world, however far-flung and complicated, to which I can bring a self that is, as near as I can see, just about whole.  That there is a world in which the simple, long-remembered motions of drawing up to a wheel and starting to treadle helps to make the stories and jokes and confessions and boasts spin on with the hum of whirring axles; one where the things that don't matter really don't.  A community that is by necessity distant and separate from quotidian reality, but one I love even a little bit more than I did before.

So thanks for coming.  Thanks for being exactly who you are and expecting nothing less from anyone else.  And if you weren't there, know that you were missed, and know that when I say I wish you had been, I mean you, with all your complications and contradictions and confusion.  But thanks for bringing those things here to my virtual living room too, and I hope we'll sit our wheels or our needles or just our chairs nearby one another soon and have a chance to catch up.  And you'll remind me again who I am, and who you are, and how much more there really is in this crazy old world that sometimes gets so narrow.  So thanks.  Just thanks.

Next year, more room for chairs, though, in the real living room.  I'm just saying.

Poesy

Thursday's poetry slam was wonderful--I'm a fan of inserting poetic beauty into everyday life, if only because otherwise I'd forget to seek it out.  But I confess that it put me in a melancholy mood for much of the day--so many of the poems evoked powerfully complicated and difficult emotions.  Most particularly the one I posted--sorry about that if I messed up anyone else's head.  Or perhaps it was just me.  That poem travelled some rough roads (or onto pebbled shores, perhaps) with me once upon a time, though it means something different now, under a differently misblotted sun.

One thing I loved was that Henry seemed to be in the mood too.  With no hint or suggestion on my part, he picked out "Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening," a picture book of the poem that my mom got for the kids last year, for his bedtime story.  Apparently Henry and Kat are on the very same page, and a good one, too.

There's knitting, as always, and randomness soon, but I wanted to just add a fun and funny and hopeful poem that I found in perusing the blog of the meme's orignator.  I've printed it out and put it on my wall in the office; a sort of permission slip for daily life. 

Here it is:

God Says Yes To Me

Kaylin Haught

I asked God if it was okay to be melodramatic
and she said yes
I asked her if it was okay to be short
and she said it sure is
I asked her if I could wear nail polish
or not wear nail polish
and she said honey
she calls me that sometimes
she said you can do just exactly
what you want to
Thanks God I said
And is it even okay if I don't paragraph
my letters
Sweetcakes God said
who knows where she picked that up
what I'm telling you is
Yes Yes Yes

The Reason for the Season

Lately I've been thinking about what is basic: the very minimum we need to survive, or at least to keep on keeping on, and I'm not talking about coping beverages or chocolate or bad tv, or even bloglines and typepad, as much as I consider those things personal necessities. 

I'm talking basic: it applies to shepherding, and to most farming, where "stress" on an animal means that there is a deficit in their basic needs.  I'm slightly stunned, in retrospect, to realize that it's largely how the medical world thinks about infants: they're either hydrated or dehydrated, thriving or failing to do so.  There's no consideration of comfort, no care for emotional states, no namby-pamby how do you feel about that.  It's about whether you will survive, long-term, in that state.  And between that, and where I and probably everyone reading this lives, is an unfathomable gulf.

There's a lot of whining lately on the part of people who claim Christianity that we're forgetting the real meaning of the season.  And since there seems to be ample evidence that the date of this Christian festival was chosen to coincide with much older pagan festivals, including Yule, I'm going to have to agree with them.  Because waaaay back then in the day, before Jesus was the reason for the season, this here little festival was about staying alive.

I have central heating.  I have two winter coats (actually four, if you count the dress one from back when business attire was formal and the navy surplus pea coat that's a pinch too small in my current, um, physical configuration).  There's a car with a blasting heater and an office at the top of a 100-year-old building with steam heat.  I have electric lights, a stove, and a microwave.  Hot water at the twist of a knob.  A toilet conveniently located just next to the heating register.  Down comforter, over wool blanket, over soft cotton sheet.

I complain about the cold.  Also the dark.  It's hard.  I'm not saying it's not.

But how much of that stuff was available to my great-grandmother?  How much to hers?  How much to the witchy chick who must have gotten my family named after a tree back in Ireland back before names were passed down from fathers?  How about those Vikings?  The people who were like, hey, let's get on a boat (Alden Amos will remind you that every scrap of fiber on that boat was not just handspun, but spindle-spun, and yes, we're talking about SAILS here people).  Because maybe the weather in freakin' NEWFOUNDLAND might be better that what we got right here at home in Norway.  That, my friends, is cold.

I know we all know this, but there were no good old days.  Life may not necessarily be better, whatever that is, but it's a hell of a lot more comfortable.  We're handworkers and we keep alive the knowledge of those times, at least scraps of it.  But our handwork is leisure and theirs was survival, and I don't completely know how to reconcile those things, do you?

This darkness that we face, in our comfortable, climate-controlled lives, it's tough.  We feel pressured, we feel stressed, we feel like we're failing over and over to achieve some insane expectation of, I don't know, something about Christmas or Xmas or Holiday or whatever, and family and togetherness and gift-giving and certainly heightened expectations of ourselves and each other, in these lands and these times of plenty.  And I don't mean to take away from that, because it's real and if you couldn't guess, I feel it too.  But if we want to talk about the reason for the season, the reason for the trees and the wreaths and the Yule log and the candles in the windows, then we're talking about dark and cold, dark and cold that you couldn't escape, that was there every day with the sick and the frail and the newly-born and the mad.  We're talking about survival.  Getting through the winter.  They really meant that: getting through. 

So thinking about the reason for the season, first I'm thinking about just plain being cold.  There's a lot of cold and darkness out there, and doing what I can do, from my privileged place here, is part of the light I mean to carry through the darkness of today.  That means knitting for charity, but also donating money.  Items hand-made with compassion carry more than wool and stitches, but there is an undeniable irony to first-worlders helping the third world with handwork, at least to my mind.  I've spent a lot of my life feeling insecure--unsafe--economically, but getting back to basics, I've never been in danger.  So more generosity, more putting of my money where my mouth is, and my heart. 

So, every Yule, I light a candle.  That candle symbolically holds my intention for the light I want to bring back with the sun as it returns, the tiny flame I'm keeping alive through the dark night in that mythic tribal firepit in my imagination.  And this year's candle will be about basics.  It's a little more complicated than before, maybe just more muddled, but I want to hold the gratitude, or maybe even just the awareness, of my rare and profound comfort.  And I want to remember to take care of my own basics, as they're defined in this rarified world: remember to eat things that are not all fat and sugar--your body doesn't need those things because you're not shivering through darkened nights and shearing the sheep whose fleeces you spin.  Remember to exercise, a laughable idea to my grandmothers but a real issue for me.  The idea of driving my car to a place where people walk on treadmills sets my teeth on edge, but right now that might be the most realistic plan, and until I have a barn full of sheep to hoist and feed and chase and fence (not planning, I'm just saying, this isn't exactly my lifestyle), I'm not getting it any other way. 

And the care and feeding of the soul: that too.  Because those people who had to process their own food, who had to spin and weave their own cloth and sew it by hand, never mind the sails for the viking ships, those people took that time.  They lit the windows with precious tallow, they burned the largest, driest Yule log on the fire and they took the time to cut greenery to hang inside their cold and dark homes to remind them that all was not gray and white and frozen.  Those lives, full of pressures and stress we can't imagine, made space to hold the sacred, to observe the seasons, and to mark it for themselves and for the spirits that went before.  And if they could make that space, so can I.  We said grace tonight, at Henry's suggestion.  More, like that, as the sun returns, so mote it be.

That's my intention, such as it is; please use the comments to cast your own intention for the coming light.  I promise to hold that intention with you, to coax the flame ever brighter, as we make it through the winter, and past the dark.

For the good of all, and may it harm none, so mote it be.  And Merry Solstice to you.