Reality TV Sociology

Hard to watch

Hi everyone. Sorry it took me so long to post here, but I started late, and I wanted to be sure I was caught up on all the episodes I had DVR'd before commenting on the show. For my own mental organization, I'm going to have to break this down by person:

Carmen: OK, so often when I'm watching a show (like a sitcom) where I feel the characters are acting stupid, I find myself getting up and pacing around the room, or suddenly remembering that the dishes urgently need washing. With this show, I find myself wanting to do that almost every time Carmen opens her mouth. However, I force myself to sit through it. This is not about what makes me comfortable. I totally agree with Minh that she Carmen needs to be more self-analytical. It's way too easy to just feel good about herself by looking at her husband. When she talked about the "tribal atmosphere" it reminded me a bit of when I lived in Chile and my parents came to visit. We were sitting in a park watching kids play in a fountain, and my mom decided she wanted to take a picture. That was fine, except that she said something about wanting to get a shot of the "natives playing." Now, I know my mom well enough to realize that's not what she meant. She's lived in other countries for extended periods of time and doesn't really view things in such a dichotomous way. Nevertheless, the words she chose really bugged me, and I told her so (she didn't cry). I think there is a similar situation with what Carmen said to the poetry group. She needs to examine why she chose the words she did. It's not walking on eggshells, it's learning. In fact, I'd have her go a step beyond just looking at her words. She claimed that everything she said "came from her heart." Well, what is it that her heart is really feeling/thinking? Would she have been as impressed by the eloquence of these kids if they had all been white? Even if she would have, would she have felt the need to express it in the same way? I have little faith that she will delve this deep into things, but maybe if she gets pushed hard enough, she'll run out of tears and actually start opening her eyes.

Rose: She is definitely going to get a lot out of this experience because she is open to learning about herself. She doesn't think that she came here to teach everyone else a lesson. I really wish she could articlate her understanding better to her parents, Carmen in particular (mostly because Bruno is more of a lost cause). I am waiting to see the show put her in a situation that is as difficult for her as the ones Carmen and Bruno seem to be in, but I don't know if it will happen. The difficulties her parents face are so much of their own making.

Bruno: Someone needs to take him down a peg. Or better yet, body slam him. In his case, I don't even think that his superiority complex is strictly limited to things racial. His reaction to Renee's parenting choices (when she was yelling at Nick about the watch) seemed to be more than just about her word choices ("negro"), but also about her general tone. I think he is one of those people who like to think that they managed to raise their kid without ever once losing their cool. I'm sure Cate or any other parent can vouch for how unlikely that is. He even seems to think he's better than his wife, which just raises a whole slew of issues I don't even feel like tackling right now. What does everyone think it would take to force Bruno to a breakthrough point?

Brian: In some ways he is more like Bruno than he would like to think, at least in terms of stubbornness and seeing what he wants to see. I am very interested to see how his relationship with Nick plays out. It seems to me there is a fine line between teaching Nick to be aware of the world around him, and inadvertently passing along his own (subconscious) prejudices. It's good that Brian wants to work against Nick's apathy in any way that he can, but I think it will be harder for him than he imagines to let Nick then choose his own direction, once Nick has discovered his own sense of drive.

Nick: I bet there is a lot more thinking going on behind that jaded teen exterior than he wants anyone to know. Like when Rose asked him all those questions about getting kicked out of school, and at the end asked him if he was worried about himself. He didn't say anything, but it seemed like the answer was yes (though, admittedly, that could just be skillful TV editing). I would like to see an episode that focuses a lot on Nick, ideally forcing him to actually talk about what he's thinking and feeling. Even if it has nothing to do with race.

Renee: I thought the way she only sort of spoke up when Carmen was trying to buy the dashiki earlier was interesting. You could tell from her face that she thought it was ridiculous, but all she did was act noncommital. Was this just her thinking she was clearly demonstrating her distaste for it, and Carmen not getting the signal? Or was it that Renee was secretly hoping to watch Carmen make a fool of herself? Or did Renee simply not wish to be rude? I feel like Renee has a hard time articulating her feelings and thoughts in a way that Carmen and Bruno can understand. But I also see her as being sick of having to always be the one to make an effort to cross the divide. Why should she always have to point out what's wrong and right? Shouldn't Carmen and Bruno be asking before doing or speaking sometimes? Anyway, I hope Renee doesn't slip into the background as Carmen constantly seems to take center stage with her crying and drama.

Other thoughts: I didn't realize until I sat down and started writing that I had such a beef with Carmen. Bruno actually pisses me off more, but I guess I've sort of given up on him already. I am amazed by Deanna's patience. I wonder what it is in her that drives her willingness to educate Carmen? Will she be able to keep it up. Also, I am not quite sure I believe that all these people are taking the "coming out" moments as well as they seem to be. I am convinced there is some tricky TV editing going on there. I don't know. It's just that if it were me they were coming out to, I think it would feel rather different than a close friend revealing their sexual orientation or something, but I can't put my finger on why it would feel different. Who knows? Maybe it wouldn't. In which case I wouldn't bat an eye.

Hopefully I will be more articulate the next time I write. I just had a lot to get off my chest this time, and it just sort of came tumbling out.

Episode 3: get past the first 7 minutes

We’ve got a crier!  For the third time in three episodes, Carmen shows that she’s nuts.  When she gets called out for referring to a woman from Rose’s poetry group a “beautiful black creature,” she gets pissed.  She defends her words by saying that they came from a place of pure love from her heart.  This is the problem for me.  She gets upset and cries every time she gets called on something (she did the same thing with the word bitch).  She gets away with being the more likable white parent because she isn’t overtly offensive.  However, the problem is that she never questions why it is that people are not happy with the way she phrases things.  She needs to ask, “Why do I say things like this, and why does it bother them?”  Instead of trying to understand that, she turns around the situation to put the blame on the Sparks’s for misinterpreting her.  “I don’t want to walk on eggshells and choose my words,” fuck that.  Getting emotional and crying is her defense mechanism.  Sorry, that’s too easy.  I want her to speak her mind, but I want her to own up to it.  She needs to try and understand that you can speak words from your heart, but you need to accept that other people can criticize them rightly or not.  Maybe I’m being too harsh … maybe she is trying … maybe this the Bruno “take it like a man” in me speaking?

The surprising part of the show was Brian changing the focus of his energy from Bruno onto his son Nick.  This part of the story kind of struck a chord with me.  I can relate to where Nick is coming from (I wasn’t always a TV-ologist).  When I was about his age, I was a lot like him.  It’s not just his perspective on race, but also how he got in trouble at school, and even his perspective on money without worrying about the consequences.  I burst out laughing when he was explaining why he got kicked out of school.  He said something like … “As far as I know, all Asians carry knives.”  Did I laugh because it was yet another misguided stereotype?  Was it because it was offensive?  Nope.  It’s because I used to carry a knife all the time at that age … I had a bit of a misspent youth, but that’s another story all together. 

When I watched him get in trouble for buying that watch, I had flashbacks to my childhood.  That lecture he got from his mother sounded all too familiar.  He got yelled at in a way that I haven’t seen in a long time.  I think that strong language and tone is looked down upon in these parts of Massachusetts.  Instead of “Hell no, you can’t have that lollipop because I said so,” it’s “Let’s reflect upon the reasons why you want that lollipop, how those reasons are problematic for both of us.”  This is another one of those messy intersections between race, class, and gender but interesting none the less.

Finally, the stroll through Leimert Park … I thought that the experience Bruno and Carmine had feeling unsafe and out of place would be a breakthrough for them.  It, as usual, had the opposite effect on Bruno (black people are the racists) and Carmine cried.  Between Carmine calling the environment “tribal” and Bruno mentioning gangs I’m surprised they didn’t call the five-0 on the native savages. What’s wrong with these people?  Am I demanding too much?  Deanna (another teaching recruit for the Wurgel’s) did an admirable job trying to break things down for them, but I think that Bruno isn’t listening, and Carmen just doesn’t understand.

I hope they put more focus on Rene (in white face) at some point soon.  I also want to see how many more “coming out” or “you’re on candid camera” moments they can work in before someone gets really pissed.

As Much As I Could Stand

I watched as much of Black/White as I could stand last night.

I think it was maybe 7 minutes.

Let's just say that I didn't miss the quick-fire challenge on Top Chef.

I tried really hard, but when Carmen started talking at the--what was it, the talk-show style thing--I had to turn it off.

Okay, I have it tivoed.  I am going to stick with it.  Growth is bumpy, complicated, and not always pretty (I live with two four-year-olds who each grew almost an inch in the last month, I know this).  I read something on the show site blog (it's all flash so it's hard to link to, but it's in the blog entry for episode 2) that made me hopeful, for Carmen at least.  Though, wow, ever think of being quiet and listening?  Hmm? You might learn something.  Or at least not embarrass yourself so much.

Speaking of quiet, am I the only person still here?  Bueller?  Anyone?

Episode 2, Cate's take

Okay, I was wrong last time.

White people are REALLY stupid.

I am having a little trouble coming up with much to say that's cogent about this episode.  I guess I'm feeling a little...like a chump.  I was hoping this would take discussion between "liberal" whites and blacks to a new level.  That it would really involve some learning on the part of the white participants, and that the rest of us would have a chance to participate in that learning.  I mean, Rose seems sincere (happy valley white-girlness aside, hey, what do you expect from a happy valley white girl).  But I'm now at the point where I feel like not only are Carmen and Bruno only there to advance some agenda, they're completely ineducable, and, so far at least, I see no real progress to be made, even for the individual participants.  It comes back to reality TV casting--they found people who were perfectly suited to create lots of situations with people yelling at each other.  And I don't know why I'm so naive as to think that's really a bummer (this is, after all REALITY TV, HELLO), but it's kind of pissing me off.  So, I mean, what do you say to Carmen's little speech and the fucking physique comment or whatever it was?  I mean, what do you say to Bruno's questions in the bar?  The dashikis?  What?

Okay, two things I have to say beyond being bitchy about this.  First, I thought Rose was brave to "come out" to her poetry class about the deception (though I suspect it was agreed upon in advance that she would do so).  I was really surprised that only one person called her on the personal betrayal that represented.  I was really glad he did that.  I have to say, if someone had infiltrated a lesbian-only group I was in, I would be upset.  I think the other students had a right to be upset ,and I think it was really, really interesting to see how much the person who objected was shut down by others, and how there seemed to be a group dynamic that did not make room for that reaction.  I'm guessing it might have had to do with the complicity of the instructors, and their leadership within the group, and maybe some framing they might have done that we didn't see, but it was interesting.  I also wonder about how the instructors handled the situation, and how they managed the vulnerability of the participants.  I just think about the behind-the-scenes aspects of that, and I expect a lot more went on than what we saw.

Second, the "bitch" thing.  I think Renee was actually mad about Bruno using the N word*, but somehow didn't feel comfortable taking that on, and so when Carmen said something roughly parallel, she jumped on it with all the emotion she was feeling about the whole situation.  I don't think it was just about the word "bitch."   If it had been, her anger might have been over the top, in my view, but I really think she was taking on something more than that specific interaction.

*It's not that I'm saying those words are equivalent, I'm saying that their use by Bruno and Carmen seemed to have similar motivation--some usurpation of subjectivity (get me, it's like I'm back in school) that was a) ignorant and b) inappropriate.

I think I need to think about my crankiness about the casting more.  I suppose casting highly ignorant white people was, you know, drawing from the mean.  It's not like I think that there is a wide swath of anti-racist white people out there from which they could have chosen.  I'm not saying there aren't a lot (and I'm also not saying that those of us who identify as anti-racist don't have a shitload to learn), but you know, how many white coworkers and acquaintances do you have who say "I am completely color-blind, it doesn't matter to me."?  And I suppose, when challenged, those positions might turn into the behavior we see in Carmen and Bruno.  I just don't know.  I know I would have made an asshole of myself in their position, but I think I would have been more like Rose (Rap Poetry for Weenies--I say this as a would-be rap weenie myself; overly earnest and a little whiny, you know, like a white happy valley girl) than actively exoticizing and objectifying and DENYING the existence of racism.  Ugh.

So people, come on out and say your pieces.  There are a few people who haven't posted yet, and I can't wait to hear what you have to say! 

I was also thinking that a TWoP recaplet of each episode might be fun.  Anyone want to volunteer?  Maybe we can rotate through them?  That way, people who didn't see the show might be able to enjoy the discussion, at least a little.  Oh, and speaking of TWoP, there's a thread on Black.White there too.

Black. White., Episode 1 (Minh's Take)

What have you gotten me into ... not only am I writing on a blog for the first time, but I'm also doing homework on reality TV within a community of knitters (which I must confess is not my usual crowd).  I was perfectly happy reading about the joys spinning and knitting, when you had to be a downer and bring race to the table.  What happened to the good old days of being able to veg out in front of the boob tube and not deconstruct?  Maybe this is the reason why I watched the season finale of Project Runway instead yesterday.  Cate might have a different theory on that.

I am glad that you created a separate forum for this topic though. Your comments went from about 30 per post to 12. I know the readers of mamacate probably don’t frequent the site to participate in deep conversations on race; I know I don’t. I do wonder though, if you kept it over there, how long would it take before people started to get uncomfortable and feel obligated to post a comment (whether watching the show or not) before others assumed that they were racist. 

So … I just finished watching the first episode on tape, and I think I am hooked.  In no particular order are the thoughts that I have pooped out.

Initially, I thought that it was strange that they had (non-hidden) cameras following them around most of the time.  Obviously, the mere presence of the cameras will affect how people will treat you.  I wonder what they told the bystanders what the reality show they were taping was about … maybe strange skin disorders. Beyond that, I wonder how the people on the show who have been exposed as having socially undesirable ideas about race (like the guy who wanted to wash his hands after shaking hands with black people or the guy at the bar talking about the dark invasion into white neighborhoods) are reacting to having their faces on TV basically being labeled as racists.  I guess they didn’t guarantee anonymity to anyone.

First impressions to the cast of characters:

Renee – I can’t get a good read on her.  I think she will take away the least from this and will end up being the head teacher in this whole experiment.  It might be too soon to tell though. 

Brian – He’s trying, but its hard work!  Although he does a good job explaining how some forms of covert institutional racism manifest themselves (not getting hired for a job, or getting slower service,) he has a hard time explaining how it plays out visibly in everyday life. It’s tough to verbalize a lifetime’s worth of experiences in a few sentences and then to try to find examples of subtle racism in EVERY interaction that they have with people on the street. So far, this tactic seems to have entrenched Bruno’s views of a colorblind utopia even further.  If he continues to expend energy trying to educate him, I will be amazed at his vigilance. 

Nick - He appears to want to not think about race at all, and this is why he’s “gonna be himself,” and not role play as a white boy. Although his optimism around race relations appears genuine, I can’t help but think that he doesn’t want to act white because it will take away his masculinity.  Maybe I’m selling him short.  In any case, he is going to be called a Wigger by episode 3.  That’ll be fun.

Bruno – The guy we’re supposed to hate.  He’s obviously going in with an agenda.  To show that his way of thinking and living, “joy in/joy out, passion in/passion out, positive energy in/positive energy out,” is a superior one. He represents the American Dream.  Your rewards will be proportional to the work you put in.  Beneath his “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” attitude, he also has a “can’t we all just get along” good guy philosophy with a side of “suck it up and take it like a man.”  I don’t want to write too much on him, because it is all too obvious.

Carmen - She is crazy.  She will be affected the most by this experience.  Mostly because she will learn that her ideology (“I’m a liberal”) does not match her words or her actions.

Rose -  She is the person everyone in the Pioneer Valley (Bill O'Reilly's version of liberal hell) is supposed to relate to.  She 1) acknowledges that race and racism exist. 2) Respects the differences that are there even if she doesn’t fully understand them. 3) Has a genuine interest in learning about the “black” experience.  However, I don’t like her.  I can’t explain at this point, maybe she enunciates too much?  Hey, not all analysis needs to be meaningful.

Black. White., Episode 1 (Kat's Take)

I agree with most of what Cate said, so rather than repeat it all I'll try to hit some other points.

1. One I have to repeat - I totally agree that Rose is the best. I was embarrassed for her about some of the things her parents were saying. It will be interesting to follow what sort of tension springs up between Rose and her parents. And there will have to be some, because my God, how could they be so clueless? (And yeah, how did she manage to be so with-it with those parents? And how did they get picked for being liberal and open-minded, anyway?)

2. Not really important, but - how often do they take all the make-up on and off? How long does it take? It seems like they're constantly going back and forth. In some ways, I think some sort of "total immersion" would be better than "Oh, I get to be me again when I get home tonight."

3. Cate mentioned the disparity between the couples' first reactions to each other in make-up, which I also noticed. But I think they glossed over a more general issue here: it must be pretty traumatic to have your spouse or child or parent suddenly look totally different, regardless of the nature of the difference. I mean, I once came home from college to discover that my father had grown a beard, and that freaked me out. I think all the participants were really brave to have gone through that transformation not only of themselves but also of the people closest to them.

4. The "focus groups" seemed like a really odd thing to have first. It was very interesting that it seemed clear to all of the participants except Bruno that their place was to watch and observe and learn. And. What was with Bruno there? He just... lied. Made stuff up. My issue with this went far beyond his use of the "n-word" (which I agree he seems far too obsessed with). I mean, I know that the whole premise of the show is basically a lie, but there is a difference between altering your appearance and seeing how this changes the way people act toward you, which seems to be the point of the show, and altering your appearance and using this as a way of presenting "proof" of your own expectations via a totally invented "anecdote." The latter, what Bruno did, must appear to be an assertion of his superiority. And his "it's all in your head/how you act" seems an extension of the all-too-common "if you work hard you'll be fine" view he presented in his intro as having been handed down by his father. At first I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, thinking maybe he was just clueless, but once he started trying to invalidate the black people's experiences, um, nope. The world isn't all sunshiny just because you say so.

5. "Immigration" seems to have become a code word for "anyone not like me." (This came up in the bar scene.) Is it more socially acceptable to say "I'm concerned about immigration" than "I don't want to live near black/non-English speaking/Asian/gay/Muslim/etc. people"? Why?

6. Let me preface this one by saying that I am not saying, a la Bruno, that racism is in one's head. But I thought that it was not entirely coincidental that Bruno's position, basically, was "I acted like myself and people treated me the same" and Brian's was "I acted differently and people treated me differently." I think there are two things going on here. The first one is the obvious premise: some people treat people differently based on the color of their skin. The other is subtler but I think at least as important and valid: when he looked white, Brian felt free to do things that he, for whatever reason, felt he could not do as a black man. And people interacted with him differently based at least partially on these actions, I'd say, not just his skin color. I think this issue of internalized racism may end up being more interesting than the obvious external issue.

7. I am also cynical enough to wonder how much of the above had to do with filming/presentation. "Hey, we have to surprise the viewers in the first show - how about if the white guy doesn't actually encounter any racism when he's black?"

8. As predicted, the issue of class was barely mentioned, if at all. I probably just missed it, but how much did they actually tell us about the families' backgrounds? Other than that both saw themselves as "typical"? Do they have similar educational and economic backgrounds? (This article tells me that all the adults are "college-educated.")

9. I was annoyed at how they kept saying "no one has ever done this before." Haven't you read Black Like Me, people?

I actually have at least one other big issue I want to write about, but this is getting long and we have a whole week between episodes so I think I will save it for another post in a few days.

Black.White, Episode 1

Episode 1.

White people are stupid.

Discuss.

Wait...actually Rose seems really quite smart.  Thank goodness, because I was starting to get pretty seriously embarrassed.

But truly.

Okay, I suppose the above is a bit of a cop-out.  Here are my thoughts about tonight's episode.  Spoilers below, though not above, since the stupidity of white people with regard to matters of race is not exactly what you'd call a spoiler.

In random order, because, you know, I'm like that.

• Okay, so how, exactly, did Carmen and Bruno produce a kid as smart as Rose?  Somebody taught that girl to really look at race, and I don't think it was her parents.  Maybe I'm missing some subtleties (being, as I am, a white woman), but she really seemed to be on target in a very tough situation.  Older and supposedly more "educated" in these issues, I wouldn't have done so well.
• The Cranberries, though.  It was the best answer--she had to say something she knew something about in order to maintain credibility, but so cute--the Cranberries?
• I thought the reactions of the two families when they first saw each other in makeup were really telling.  I mean, Brian does look profoundly geeky, so I can't really blame  Renee for telling him she would never be attracted to him, but isn't it interesting that Bruno and Carmen immediately kissed and clearly found each other attractive in makeup?
• I expect that many whites will be frustrated with the Sparks' anger about, well, the whole thing, but I'll say for the record that it seems completely justified.  Bruno's refusal to acknowlege the existence of racism (!) would be maddening, and it seems like a total setup that Brian has to take him around and try to find a situation that Bruno will acknowledge as racist.  I don't think it's about anvils dropping on people's heads, at least not usually, but instead death by one thousand cuts, and the idea that Bruno thinks he can pass judgment after one day is a bit much.
• Didn't Bruno see the focus group?  I suppose the guy who talked about shaking hands (wow) was an anomaly in Bruno's book.  And he probably thought the woman who wanted to fire the black employee but complained about fear of lawsuits was just talking about an individual situation.
• Speaking of the focus group, what, exactly, is this insane thrill Bruno seems to get from saying the N-word.  I'm sorry, but I don't care what kind of makeup you have on: NO.
• A couple of times the Sparks point out that they aren't really here to get much out of the experience--they know how white society works (with the exception of attentive shoe salesmen) because in a racist society, black people have to negotiate white society regularly.  And so far, that's what's happening, true to Minh's predictions. 
• I think Nick's reaction to the etiquette class went beyond that observational stance, though, and I think it was an interesting, and poignant, moment of vulnerability for him.  That room was full of awkward and sullen adolescent white boys, but the teacher's corrections and training seemed to have a completely different meaning for Nick.  Even passing as a white boy, the experience of being taught to conform to (patently ridiculous--clearly I have been eating soup like a heathen for years) rigid standards of etiquette seemed to echo too many messages of white criticism and belittling.  While the white participants are getting their worlds rocked in a way that the black participants aren't, the experience of passing as white, with all the attendant anxieties of "being something you're not" has a great deal more power, painfully so, than the white-to-black passing experience.  It's a bit of a mind-fuck, I think, to ask someone to resist cultural messages that idealize whiteness, to have pride and comfort in ones identity as a black person, hard-won, I imagine, and then, hey, try to be white today!  It can't be a simple task to separate a lark at a crazy etiquette class from the struggle to resist a culture full of skin lighteners and hair straighteners and "proper English."  The emotional toll from that is something I didn't expect.
• Speaking of things people expected, hey Minh, it looks like the Sparks are going to educate the Wurgels!  What a surprise.  I hope they're getting paid well.

Okay, I'm off to bed.  White people are stupid: discuss.  That said, the Wurgels are brave to engage race in such a public way, and I don't know if I would be so brave--white people often get to opt out of such discussions.  I'm glad everyone on the show took the risk to do this.  Because it's interesting, and not just in that sort of train-wreck Apprentice kind of way, and it's provocative, and not in that Jerry Springer kind of way. 

If you'd like to contribute to this blog (I would love to see a discussion among a collegial group of reality TV sociologists--what kind of department is it if there's only one--the only qualifications are a deep and abiding affection for reality tv.  Oh, and a commitment to anti-racism, right, that too.), email me at mama (at) mamacate.com and I'll send you an invite.